It was two weeks following the birth of his son when Rob Sandler realized he felt trapped.
Rob suspected something was a bit off immediately, so he brought his feelings up with his wife.
I have an amazing, supportive wife, and she knew I was not myself pretty quickly.
We talked about it a lot, he says.
However, studies do show that many dads suffer some form of depression after baby’s arrival.
Meanwhile, research suggests that between 4 and 25 percent of first-time dads suffer from PPD.
“Anxiety is very treatable.
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Even though these studies existed, no one was talking about it, he says.
But based on his experience interacting with fathers in his practice and online, he suspects it may have.
Over a decade ago, Dr. Courtenay began noticing a trend of depression in new dads.
After reviewing the research, he confirmed that many men do indeed suffer from postpartum depression.
These dads were not prepared for this, he says.
PPD hits working dads today equally hard.
Many struggle with a problem women face, too: finding work-family-life balance.
In addition, many of their own fathers had a very hands-off approach to parenting.
They dont know what being an involved dad looks like, says Dr. Courtenay.
More recently, COVID-19 has undoubtedly taken a toll on mens postpartum mental health.
Alcohol can compound the problems men experience with depression and anxiety that are associated with PPND, he says.
There are numerous ways the pandemic could have impacted new parents mental health.
With daycare centers and schools closed, both parents have struggled to be full-time caregivers.
Men often rely on their co-workers and work environments to provide the social support that they need.
It can look like irritability and anger, working constantly, drinking, or gambling too much.
These are the ways men experience and cope differently with depression than women, Dr. Courtenay says.
Thats why its important to seek help if your partner simply doesnt seem like himself.
For Rob, postpartum depression was a feeling of entrapment without an end in sight.
I couldnt look beyond the very moment I was in, he says.
All of these feelings made me feel very anxious, sad, overwhelmed and guilty.
Depression symptoms are sometimes subtle or hard to recognize.
He says it was a very gradual downslide.
I withdrew from friends.
My work performance started to suffer, he says.
Dads may even try and hide depression because social pressure makes them reluctant to talk about their feelings.
That means their partners may bring it up at first.
Adam says that his wife tipped him off to his PPD symptoms before he realized there was a problem.
Though he never doubted the diagnosis, he was bothered by it.
Thats what I did for a while.
While Rob doesnt suffer from chronic depression, I get overwhelmed and I analyze a lot, he says.
Thats when you see the biggest impact on kids, so its really important to get treatment.
There are real, neurochemical changes in the brain, says Dr. Courtenay.
After baby is born, studies have shown that mens testosterone levels drop and their estrogen levels rise.
We know that men with lower testosterone levels are more responsive to a babys cries.
We think this facilitates bonding between father and child, says Dr. Courtenay.
That means new dads may feel like they don’t have anyone to turn to following a babys arrival.
When a partner is suddenly unavailable, thats quite a big adjustment for a man to go through.
It can really mess up a mans life to not get help, says Dr. Courtenay.
PPD can affect a dads relationship with his partner, interfere with work and increase risk of suicide.
Even after a couple of meetings, a father often feels relief, says Dr. Courtenay.
Other dads dont find relief from therapy alone and require short- or long-term antidepressants, Dr. Courtenay adds.
Both Rob and Adam were treated withtalk therapyin addition to antidepressants.
Adam was off of his medication within a year of starting treatment and feeling much more like himself.
I believe the biggest help was just owning up to it.
Just talking about it with others was a huge step in my recovery.
PPD in dads is definitely a real thing and can happen to anyone.
Rob agrees that, stressing that this can happen to anyone and that its never your fault.
There is no shame in seeking help, he says.
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