I guess it helps her feel close to her mom.
This October will mark 10 years since Alexis lost her life topostpartum depression.
We talk about Alexis like shes still here.
We send a balloon up to heaven every Mothers Day.
But as much as we try, theres no replacing what weve lost.
After we got married in October of 2009, our lives looked totally different.
I remember her joking, “Are we dorks now?
We never go out!”
Starting our family was the obvious next step.&
By November of 2012, Alexis was pregnant.
We both come from large Italian families, and our baby news was reason for non-stop celebration.
We were blessed with not one, not two, but three baby showers!
Pregnancy was absolutely seamless.
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Everything changed during delivery.
That day, we were not the priority on the maternity ward.
Alexis was young and healthy.
The others in labor that day were a woman with ahigh-risk pregnancyand another delivering multiples.
“I need to push!”
But the doctor didnt believe her and left the room.
Twelve minutes later, Adriana was born with the cord wrapped around her neck.
She wasnt breathing, whats known as a “code blue” delivery.
People rushed to our side, including the doctor who disbelieved Alexis.
While the hospital workers thankfully resuscitated Adriana, the chaos was traumatic for Alexis.
She felt like her first act of motherhood was harming her baby, like she did something wrong.
We both knew something was off immediately.
From that day, there was nothing behind her eyes.
It was a blank stare.
During our hospital stay she became super indecisive.
We changed the babys name twice.
Every decision became a huge one that she couldnt think through.
When we got home, things got worse.
Worse, she felt it was all her fault.
What started as post-traumatic stress from the delivery quickly turned into a deep depression.
She couldnt remember simple things from before, like houses shed sold in her job as a realtor.
Shed say, “Oh my God!
Im not going to be able to go back to work.
Youre going to have to take care of me.
Youll get sick of me and leave.”
Alexis was brutally honest with the doctors about how she felt.
She wanted to get well.
We went to seven different hospitals and crisis centers in her last 13 days.
No one seemed to believe her when she told them how bad it was.
The sad truth is, her story is not an anomaly.
Today, there is a growing awareness of postpartum depression andpsychosis.
But we still have a lot of work to do.
We need to end the stigma.
The reality is, PPD can happen to anyone, and its no ones fault.
It takes extreme courage to admit youre having a hard time, especially when there is a baby involved.
We have to question why its so tough.
Fathers have a special role to play in supporting mothers and ultimately, preventing tragedies.
Pregnancy is 40 weeks long.
Outside of the occasional sonogram, dads arent often involved in moms healthcare until the day of delivery.
If your partner is pregnant, ask the doctor about mental health services.
What help is available and how can you access it should you need it?
All we can do is change what happens next.
I want Adriana to know that even though Moms not here, we can always change things going forward.
By telling Alexis’s story, we can save lives.
Talk therapy and medications can treat postpartum mental health conditions like depression andanxiety.
Reach out to your doctor, who can refer you to appropriate care.
Dial 1-833-Help4moms
TheNational Maternal Mental Health Hotlinecan help connect you with mental health support in your area.
The line is manned 24/7, so you might call at any time to get help.
Connect with Postpartum Support International (PSI)
It takes a village to raise a child.
PSI hostsonline support groupsfor new moms and provides resources for mental health support.
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