If you follow parenting TikTok, youve likely heard the term “default parent resentment.”
As I watch these moms air their frustrations on TikTok, I can vividly see myself in them.
When I became a military spouse, community messaging dictated my role: Take care of the homefront.
When he stepped in, he came to me for step-by-step instructions.
Experts share that there are ways to improve the balance in parenting and it starts with communication.
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What is a default parent?
A default parent manages a heavy mental load the often invisible labor required to run a household and family.
This structure isnt necessarily a bad thing.
However, in some cases, this dynamic can lead to unintended negative consequences.
What can lead to default parent resentment?
My resentment started early on when the burnout became overwhelming.
Yes certain things were my “job,” but those lines often blurred.
I couldnt clock out of my “job,” and I wasnt off on weekends.
Doing this self-reflection can help you prepare to talk with your partner and have a solution-oriented dialogue.
Have a conversation
Sometimes Id feel a tad guilty when I needed more support from my husband.
But not letting him know how I felt only added to my resentment.
Furthermore, explore why you have those beliefs, Dr. Thornton says.
Did you grow up seeing one parent take the lead on certain tasks?
If youre already a default parent, be open about what needs to change so you feel supported.
“These roles should always be collaborative and flexible,” Lucas says.
“The non-default parent should initiate check-ins frequently.”
Now, we share responsibilities and have weekly check-ins.
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